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"........When Change is the Challenge."
WHAT IS THE EMPEROR WEARING?Truth-Telling in Business Relationships by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
Laurie Weiss tells the stories of ordinary individuals in the workplace
striving to steer a course between deception and damaging confrontation.
As you relate to their struggles and successes, you learn the techniques
and strategies needed to tell the truth with grace and skill in
treacherous, rapidly changing business environments. This book is must
reading for anyone who knows that telling the truth isn't as simple as
it sounds. Reviews:
IT'S HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH TO SOMEONE WHO WON'T LISTEN Why Some People
Just Won't Listen IT'S HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH WHEN YOU WOULD RATHER NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS The Traps of
Discounting and Denial IT'S HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH WHEN THE TRUTH IS BAD NEWS Why Withhold Bad
News What Is the
Truth? I WANT TO BE A TEAM PLAYER, SO I WON'T MAKE WAVES GroupThink I WOULD BE GLAD TO TELL THE TRUTH IF ONLY I KNEW WHAT IT WAS Passive-Aggressive
Behavior Is the Tip of the Iceberg of Hidden Truth MAYBE THE EMPEROR REALLY IS WEARING CLOTHES, AND I CAN'T SEE THEM Encouraging
Responsibility, Initiative, and Truth Telling Understanding What
Happens When an Employer Doesn't Support You SOMETIMES IT MAKES SENSE NOT TO TELL THE TRUTH Can Truth-Telling
Sometimes Do More Harm Than Good? Unexamined
Assumptions Can Cause Problems What You Don't Know
Can Hurt You DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE SIGNALS YOU SEND YOURSELF? Codependency and
Other Addictions USE YOUR INTUITION TO GUIDE YOU Putting Faith in
Intuition THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, BUT FIRST IT MAY MAKE YOU MAD! Creating an
Atmosphere That Encourages Trust and Truth-Telling GET THE INFORMATION YOU NEED WITHOUT BEING GULLIBLE OR PARANOID Encouraging
Truth-Telling in Interviews ASK QUESTIONS WITH GRACE AND SKILL The Right Questions
Invite Thoughtful and Truthful Answers TELL YOUR TRUTH WITH COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS Compassionate
Truth-Telling ALL I DID WAS . . . WHY DID SHE REACT THAT WAY? Projection REALITY ISN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE, AND PERHAPS IT NEVER WAS Coping with
Changing Realities THE "WHAT I FEEL LIKE SAYING" PROCESS Creating Safety
Encourages Truth-Telling IS SOMETHING SINISTER GOING ON? What We Don't
Discuss Can Hurt Us USING AGREEMENTS TO CREATE DIALOGUE INSTEAD OF CONFLICT History of the
Agreements Some people believe that telling the truth is a great short cut, and others see it as an invitation to disaster. Truth-telling can help you solve problems, make your life easier and your work more productive. It can also cost you your job, your reputation, and your most important relationships, unless it is approached with skill and tact.
Chapter 1: It's Hard to Tell the Truth to Someone who Won't Listen Rita was quite certain that Kerwin, her manager, was making a disastrous decision. He refused to listen to her. She tried politely repeating her message several times and finally gave up. Her predictions were correct. Public funds were wasted and the newspapers uncovered the scandal. Did she have other options?
Chapter 2: It's Hard to Tell the Truth when You Would Rather Not Know What It Is Robert, the owner of a dry cleaning establishment, couldn't understand why he was losing money in a store that seemed to be doing lots of business. He was reluctant to accept the evidence that his store manager was stealing his supplies
Chapter 3: It's Hard to Tell the Truth when the Truth Is Bad News Jennifer is still furious about being squeezed out of her company by being demoted three times. She felt humiliated until she recognized that the same procedure had been used to cause others to resign as the company downsized. She refused to be intimidated, and left with her dignity intact.
Chapter 4: When Truths Collide Carol believed her secretary's work should meet certain standards and told her so. Her secretary, a minority worker, told others that Carol was a "bitch" and threatened a discrimination suite. The harder Carol tried to be nice, the worse the situation became.
Chapter 5: I Want to Be a Team Player, so I Won't Make Waves Fred did not want to think about the financial status of his company. His management team obliged him by not troubling him with the negative information they had accumulated. His belief in his own invulnerability almost cost him his company.
Chapter 6: I Would Be Glad to Tell the Truth if I Only Knew what it Was Ron was not really aware of the resentment he felt toward his wife, who was also his business partner. He could not tell her the truth, because he had never noticed his own feelings. Instead he found reasons not to keep the agreements he made with her.
Chapter 7: Maybe the Emperor Really Is Wearing Clothes, and I Can't See Them Marilyn, a new technician, thought she saw the doctor lose a drop of radioactive material, but she was not quite sure, so she did not speak about it. It took two working days to clean up the contamination in the laboratory. She did not even share the story until years later.
When Allen was given advance notice that the profitable store he managed was to be closed, he was ordered to keep it a secret from his loyal customers and his suppliers. He felt trapped between his responsibility to carry out the wishes of his employer and his personal commitment to integrity.
Chapter 9: Sometimes It Makes Sense Not to Tell the Truth Marjorie, age 48, would have lost the job where she was getting superior reviews, if anyone learned that she had not actually graduated from high school. She decided to keep her secret to herself, and continue to serve the difficult clientsthat others preferred to avoid.
Assume that people do the best they can to get what they think they need at any given moment, using the resources available to them. Even if this assumption is not always true, it will make it easier to tell your truth.
Chapter 10: Examining Assumptions Kathleen believed her boss was behaving inappropriately at meetings they attended together. She felt that she couldn't confront him without jeopardizing her own position. When she carefully examined her own discomfort, it dawned on her that their assumptions and objectives might be very different.
Chapter 11: Know Yourself First Irwin believed that he just couldn't find good help. One administrative assistant after another resigned after a few days on the job. It never occurred to him that his own demanding behavior was related to the problem. He did not know how radically his behavior changed after he'd had a few drinks with lunch. The first time a business associate suggested that he might have a problem with alcohol, he didn't listen. It took a near disaster to get his attention.
Chapter 12: Do You Recognize the Signals You Send Yourself? After five years of helping my business partner/husband produce and market an intensive residential workshop, while maintaining a professional practice and managing our company, I burned out. I felt so depressed that one morning I didn't want to get out of bed. That signal finally got my attention, and I realized that I hated parts of what I was doing. Telling the truth meant risking the destruction of our 13 year old business.
Chapter 13: Use Your Intuition to Guide You Elizabeth embarrassed herself by occasionally crying at faculty meetings. She rarely understood the reason for her tears. They usually occurred when she was asked to comment on something on which everyone else seemed to agree. A consultant suggested that the entiregroup examine the situation more carefully. They discovered that Elizabeth's intuition was warning her when something subtle was wrong with some proposed action.
Chapter 14: The Truth Will Set You Free, But First It May Make You Mad! Listening: The Critical Skill Pete reluctantly agreed to hire another consultant to help his executive team clarify the issues that were causing several key professionals to consider resigning from his agency. When several problems were identified, including Pete's inconsistent leadership style, he courageously suggested that they first focus on his leadership. It was difficult for him to hear the negative feedback, but as he did listen and respond, the team's animosity changed to offers of help and support.
Chapter 15: Get the Information You Need Without Being Gullible or Paranoid A group of frustrated business owners concluded that "candidates for jobs lie up a storm." Elaine, the president of a temporary staffing agency, agreed, adding that it is hard for people who are "scrambling to try to get decent positions" to be completely truthful about their qualifications. The reputation of her company depends upon creating a good match between the candidate and the prospective employer. She believes it is the job of the interviewer to help the candidates tell the truth about themselves so they can be placed where they are most likely to be successful.
Chapter 16: Asking Questions with Grace and Skill David, a young engineer and team leader at a major electronics firm, used the information he learned at a team development workshop to help his team produce spectacular results. When he was asked to describe his methods at a briefing session for senior management, David asked questions to get the information he felt he needed to contribute to their discussion. They were astonished to discover that he was asking about important issues they had not really addressed. Within a year, David became a valued in-house consultant for his company.
Chapter 17: Telling Your Truth with Compassion for Yourself and Others Valerie struggled with herself about how to inform her client that she suspected he was using drugs. As she prepared him for job interviews, she felt that other interviewers might notice the subtle mannerisms she observed. She carefully examined her own internal conversation and her fear of alienating her client. Her commitment to her own integrity helped her find a supportive way to take the necessary risk.
Chapter 18: All I Did Was ...Why Did She React that Way? Judith did not suspect that Marian, her new assistant administrator, was living in the past. Judith knew that Marian responded very poorly to suggestions. Marian was sure that Judith didn't like her and was ready to resign. Only some careful consultation helped them uncover Marian's truth--that she had Judith confused with her own grandmother.
Chapter 19: Reality Isn't what It Used To Be, and Perhaps It Never Was. Frank, a key employee of a growing electrical contracting company, didn't want to believe that times had changed. Although the owner's son, Sam, was getting ready to assume the company presidency, Frank insisted on treating him as if he was a teenager just learning the business. Sam valued Frank's skill and experience, and he also needed Frank to accept his authority.
Chapter 20: What I Feel Like Saying Meetings were becoming a waste of time in Monica's mortgage banking office. Staff members would come late, leave early, and barely pretend to participate. Introducing a simple exercise at the start of each weekly meeting allowed everyone to gradually learn to work together more effectively.
Chapter 21: Is Something Sinister Going On? Everyone at the meeting was frustrated. People were repeating their points several times but were not reaching resolution. A simple matter that should have taken five minutes had been debated for an hour. After a brief recess, Barry raised a new issue that concerned everyone. When the discussion of the new topic was completed, the original subject was reconsidered, and agreement on a solution came almost immediately.
Chapter 22: Creating Dialogue Instead of Conflict It is important for any truth-teller to realize that your truth is not THE TRUTH, and neither is anyone else's. Exploring different perspectives on the truth instead of arguing about which is correct can best be accomplished in a protected environment. A variety of organizations use an ever-evolving set of agreements to create and maintain a container in which truth-telling can occur.
When Sue found herself President of the company she and her late husband had started five years earlier, she was overwhelmed. She felt at odds with the whirlwind-paced, crisis-oriented management style her husband had believed was necessary to keep the chaotic business expanding and profitable, but she didn't know what else to do. Creating harmony seemed like an impossible dream. EMPOWERMENT SYSTEMS 506 West Davies Way Littleton · Colorado · 80120 303.794.5379 · Phone weiss@empowermentsystems.com · E-Mail
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