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"........When Change is the Challenge."
Conscious
Evolution
Empowerment Systems
Newsletter, #7
"Is There a Pattern
Here?"
Andrea, an exemplary civilian project manager in a
military installation, started having sexual fantasies about
her new boss almost as soon as she met him. He reminded her
of an old lover - a really old lover: their affair had ended
30 years earlier, and she was now very happily married. Her
behavior at work remained completely professional, but she
feared that her feelings were distracting her and would
compromise her job performance.
The job itself was a wonderful change - almost too
good to be true. Andrea's superb reputation had led to her
current assignment. When she met her boss, he informed her
that he would like her to become his deputy and to prepare
to take his position when he retired. She was expecting to
continue doing project management work, and was stunned by
his offer, which she immediately accepted. He set up a well
thought-out training agenda with her that would allow her to
familiarize herself with the unit, assist him, and gradually
to assume additional responsibilities. Then her fantasies
intensified.
As Andrea's coach, I asked what she could do to shift
her attention back to her work. Deciding she needed to
clearly separate her current boss from her old lover in her
mind, she wrote a letter to her old lover. She thanked him
for the past relationship and reminded him of the reasons
for ending it, and informed him of how her life had been
developing. Then she destroyed the letter and the fantasies
vanished. They were replaced by fears of being unable to
master her new job. Doing a reality check about her fears
demonstrated that they were completely unfounded. She was
doing fine!
Nothing was wrong, but Andrea was reacting as if she
was under great stress, and she was. As is often the case, a
positive change had stimulated a reactive regression! Andrea
was re-experiencing old, long-since resolved problems, and
they weren't even real problems. PAR, Progressive Abreactive
Regression, a phenomena described by Arthur Stein, is a
predictable regression that follows a breakthrough
achievement. When we looked at the pattern, rather than the
individual problems, Andrea realized that she had once more
broken a self-created barrier, and just needed extra support
until she got used to her new success. She arranged for
extra nurturing from her family, friends, and her coach and
is now thoroughly enjoying her new job.
Coaching tip: When strange things happen, look beyond
the individual problems to the pattern they represent. PAR
frequently accompanies success. What may look like a need
for therapy may be a normal, easily managed coaching
issue.
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Copyright 2000, Empowerment Systems. May be
transmitted or reproduced in its entirety only, including
this copyright line.
Jonathan B. Weiss, Ph.D. and Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. have
helped thousands of people make significant changes in their
lives. Working together at Empowerment Systems for 28 of
their 39 years of marriage, they maintain a coaching,
consulting, and psychotherapy practice in Littleton,
Colorado, USA.
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